The Strudel That Wasn't
by Emalynn Eleriel
Summary: Helena's latest attempts at cooking, one of my better stories. New Chapter: Helena vs. Pierogies! And soon to come... scones!
1. Default Chapter

The Strudel That Wasn't  
  
It was a rare occasion that Helena Kyle set foot in a kitchen with intentions other than clearing out the fridge. It was an even rarer occasion when she didn't set something on fire. But today was going to be different. She would show them all that she COULD cook, even if it was just a Toaster Strudel.  
  
Her project started out successfully enough. It wasn't that hard to put the thing in the oven, but knowing when to take it out was an art. Helena knew this from experience. One second the strudel looked like it needed a few more minutes, the next. it was burnt to a crisp.  
  
She watched it suspiciously, daring it to burn in the slightest. At one point Alfred had thought about coming into the kitchen, but when he saw Helena he turned tail and fled. He had seen this before and had no desire to witness it again. Or the heart to try to digest it again, he had eaten enough charcoal to ward off poison berries for the rest of his life.  
  
Dinah was unaware of the danger she faced when walked into the kitchen for a snack.  
  
"Hey Helena, whatcha doing?" Dinah asked, completely oblivious.  
  
"Shut up, I'm watching the strudel." Helena was tense.  
  
Dinah was beginning to feel that now was not the best time to push Helena's buttons, but she couldn't resist a little bit of teasing.  
  
"The strudel is that interesting, huh?"  
  
"Dinah, go away before I decide to hurt you."  
  
"Oouu, tense are we?"  
  
That quickly ended Helena's toaster vigil. She chased Dinah around the clocktower. They hurdled over anything in their way. Except computer equipment, even without Barbara being home they knew what would happen if they smashed something. So the computer equipment was spared, if the cut- glass lamp wasn't. Dinah quickly decided that the safest place right now would be the kitchen, so she made a beeline straight toward it. She almost knocked over a very shocked-looking Alfred.  
  
By the time she was back in the kitchen Helena was relatively calmed down. Enough so that she collapsed on the chair next to Dinah's.  
  
That was when Dinah smelled it.  
  
"Ugh, what is that smell? It smells like something is burning!"  
  
Helena leaped up and was beside the toaster in 0.09 milliseconds.  
  
"MY STRUDEL! Not a-gain! My strudel." she was practically in tears.  
  
Dinah decided to take it upon herself to cheer Helena up.  
  
"You know, there will always be other strudels, Helena." Dinah tried to keep a straight face, but the hilariousity of what she had just said was just too much. A giggle escaped.  
  
Helena didn't even look up. "My strudel."  
  
Then Dinah realized, this was not just any strudel.  
  
"This was important to you, wasn't it?"  
  
Helena looked up, "I guess it was. But now it's just another failed cooking attempt. Every time I try to redeem myself at cooking, something goes wrong. My first attempt was a cake, then cookies. Now I'm all the way down to a Toaster Strudel. Next time I'll have to try microwave pancakes. And Dinah, what do I do when I screw that up?"  
  
Dinah considered this for a moment. She knew the answer, but she also knew that the answer was not what Helena wanted to hear. "Ask Alfred for a scone?"  
  
One very black strudel sailed across the room, and hit Dinah straight in the face. Apple goo oozed out all over the place.  
  
"Nope, I'm gonna try again, and guess who's going to be my taste- tester?" 


	2. Pierogie Time!

Pierogie Time!  
  
A/N: This story serves several purposes.  
  
1. It pleases all of you who wanted more after "The Strudel That Wasn't".  
  
2. It gives me something to write.  
  
3. It teaches all of you what Mrs. T's Pierogies are and includes authentic instructions on how to cook them, taken right from the box in my freezer!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or Mrs.T's Pierogies. I have no desire to own Mrs. T's Pierogies. I am not making any profit from the publishing of this story. So, please don't sue me.  
  
Important: Essential Background Information A pierogie is a polish (I think) food that is extremely common where I live. EVERYONE around here knows what they are, but for those of you who don't. A pierogie is kind of like ravioli (pasta with filling). It's shaped in a half circle, and filled with buttery mashed potatoes. These are some varieties with cheesy mashed potatoes inside. You can pick which variety you think that Helena cooks.  
Once again, Helena Kyle was journeying into the world of cooking, to everyone else's dismay. Ever since the strudel incident, Helena had been trying again at least once a week. She had attempted cook many different things, none of which had really worked out. Unfortunately, not even the microwave pancakes.  
Barbara and Alfred were grateful that they had not had to try to swallow a bit of the strudel/ charcoal. Dinah was thankful too, but not quite as much as the two of them. It had taken a LONG time to get the strudel goo out of her hair. Not to mention the burnt smell.  
But no one had been spared the wrath of the pancakes. Although, to Dinah they were actually about as good as the school food she attempted to stomach every day at lunch. Somehow, Helena had managed to make them rubbery while they were still cold. Go figure. Also, let's just say that burnt syrup does not smell very nice.  
Helena had carefully chosen her next victim... I mean attempt. "Mrs. T's Pierogies" seemed like the perfect choice. No one knew what they were, so they had no previous experiences with which to judge them. Plus, all you had to do was be able to boil water. It seemed easy enough.  
  
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Helena walked into the kitchen confidently, carrying a grocery bag. Upon seeing her Dinah ran out of the room, just to be safe. Then she attempted to get out of the clocktower.  
  
"Hey Barbara, I'm going over to Gabby's." Dinah tried to be as nonchalant as possible.  
  
Barbara wasn't fooled. "Oh, no you're not. If I have to eat it you do too."  
  
"How did you know?!"  
  
"Let's just say I have connections at the grocery store."  
  
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Helena sat the kitchen counter reading the instructions on the back of the pierogie box. "Huh, 'thaw pierogies in boiling water for 3-5 minutes, uncovered. Drain. Sauté butter and onions. Pour over pierogies. Serve' What on earth is sauté? Not very detailed instructions. Oh, wait! Alternate instructions! 'Thaw frozen pierogie' blah, blah, blah. 'Deep fry in 350 degree oil for 2- 4 minutes until lightly brown and crispy.' That sounds much better!"  
  
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"Uh, Barbara? Did I just hear the word 'fry'? Do you think we should call the fire department and give them a head start? Just in case!" remarked Dinah, worriedly.  
  
"I'll call them on my cell when we see the smoke. from the other side of town. Alfred can retain the fire. Let's go! Now!" Barbara was just as worried as Dinah, plus more. You see, it's kind of hard to get insurance for a secret lair. Or call the fire department for that matter  
  
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Helena Kyle sat in the kitchen, staring into a frying pan, and thinking silently. She had to get it right this time! 'How brown is light brown? And are they supposed to make that crackling noise? How will I know when they're done? Oh, this is a disaster! Worse than that broccoli fiasco!'  
  
Alfred stood close by, hidden from view. He could smell something beginning to burn from a mile away, but he knew what would happen if he said anything. And he wasn't about to let that happen. Again.  
  
Caught up in her thoughts of dread, Helena didn't see the pierogies slowly turning black and rock-like. She didn't even smell the scorched potato smell. In fact, it took the smoke detector to bring her back into reality. "Alfred! Help! Get the fire extinguisher! Get the fire department! Get. some Fabreeze! I don't know, just do something! Please!"  
  
Alfred was oh so happy to oblige. Within minutes the fire was out and the former pierogies sat a plate, waiting to be eaten. Although this mortified him, Alfred knew Miss Helena would be crushed if no one got to try her pierogies. Plus, he wanted to get back at Dinah and Barbara for leaving him alone with her while she was cooking.  
  
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"What wer.........are these, Helena?" She could just hear it now. The gags, the cruel jokes. It was the same every time. But then she remembered. ]  
  
"Hey, Alfred! Isn't it great that I thought to save half of the pierogies? I can try again!"  
  
Alfred groaned, inwardly of course. She was Master Bruce's daughter after all, and therefore deserved some respect.  
  
On closer examination, Helena discovered another set of instructions on the box. " 'Microwave Instructions'! That's just what I need. Thank you, Mrs. T! Let's see now. 'Place three pierogies in a microwave safe dish and cover with water. Cover dish with vented plastic wrap. Cook on high for 4-5 minutes. Rotate half way through.' Sounds easy enough." And with that, she set to work. Alfred politely excused himself.  
  
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"Mmm! Helena, these are really good!" For once. "What are they?" Barbara and Dinah had returned as soon as it had seemed safe, and were astounded to find something that looked appetizing waiting for them.  
  
"They're called pierogies," said Helena proudly. "Well, Dinah, what do you say?"  
  
Dinah reluctantly started to rattle on. "I'm sorry that I said you couldn't cook and that I was never coming near your cooking again and I'd never eat another strudel and that I said you should let Alfred cook from now on. Happy?"  
  
Helena smirked. "Ecstatic!"  
  
*************************************************************************** The End  
A/N: I'm not sure if I like this ending. If I change my mind, I'll have it fixed by the end of the week. I promise. [pic] 


End file.
